health news today: Taking care of Dead Friends wife

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sknnydppr Stranger Registered: 09/27/09 Posts: 6 Last seen: 1 day, 22 hours
	I moved away from a small town 13 years ago, and lost contact with a lot of the people I grew up with until recent years with the addition of Myspace/Facebook..which let me get back in contact with people. The small town I am from is known to be a cesspool of drugs/junkies, and the best thing I ever did was get away from it...but that doesn't mean the people that I know that are still reside there I don't care about and love.? In Jan of 2010 I saw on Facebook that a friend had died from ODing on pills, actually it was a bad cocktail he had just gotten out of jail and they had him on Lithium, and when he got out he shot something up that didn't agree with Lithium.? In any case, this left his wife a 32 year old widow...and after bouncing around from place to place for a year and a half and occasionally corresponding with me via email to tell me how she was doing (I also grew up with her, and was in the same class from 4th grade till when she got pregnant and quit school her sophmore year, but I knew him better) and just listening to her vent about how she lost her kids because of her husbands drug use, and then lost her husband, and now she has cancer..and the friend she was living with decided he wanted a relationship with her or she had to go. (guy friend)Really I was just listening to her vent and didn't know what to do, but then one day? she needed a place to stay, and I decided to give her one... I drove 1200 miles to pick her up. ? I hadn't seen this girl in about 14-15 years, but I always knew her to have a good heart. Since it was a 17 hour drive I picked her up and we spend the night at my dads house, by coincidence ..my step mother had just taken all my fathers money and left him that very day. We had dropped 4 hits of Owsley right when we found out. I didn't want to hang out at my dads but she was afraid he was going to kill himself or get really depressed and demanded we stay and make sure he was okay. It touched me and made me remember how good of a heart she had. We fell asleep hours later in the same bed, never had sex..but we had just gotten so close during the trip that falling asleep next to each other just felt right. It's like neither one of us wanted to be anywhere else, and then we woke up and drove 1200 miles to her new home. ? The first few weeks were great. I made sure she had her own bedroom, and leased her a bedroom set, because I wanted to make sure she had her privacy. It was hard not fucking her, but I didn't want to force her into a relationship...she had pictures of her dead husband taped to the mirror of the dresser and the headboard of her bed. I mean, she seemed to still be grieving, and I didn't want to make her feel like she had to do something with me in order to have a place to stay, but we had deep feelings for each other..and she actually told me she loved me. I explained to her that I didn't want to force her into a relationship and she told me this is where she wanted to be and she didn't feel forced into anything. I was actually dealing with an ex girlfriend also, and earlier in that day had spent hours convincing her that nothing was going on with my house guest, in an attempt to get back with her. I'm not sure why I even wanted to get back with my ex..she was my ex for a reason.. but in any case..I still didn't try anything with her, even though she had just let me know it was guaranteed and she wanted it. I also told her I was afraid I was going to start caring too much about her, and she said there was no such thing and she needed people down here who cared about her like that. ? I had to get away and think so I went to spend the night with my ex and the next morning when I came home she was sitting at the table crying and in tears, telling me that when I leave like that it makes her think that I don't want her around. I gave her a hug and assured her that I did indeed want her around. ? The job I have gives me very good insurance, it's comparable to the insurance that congress has, and I called my local chairman to determine if we got married if she would be covered, and made sure she wouldn't be denied due to pre-existing conditions. He assured me that she wouldn't be. So I talked to her about getting married for insurance purposes, but asked her to sign a prenup. She Agreed, but the next day I came home from work and she was crying, and I asked why...she said..."what if our relationship develops into something more, and it turns into a real marriage..and then 10 years down the road we grow apart and we end up getting a divorce, then I won't get anything because I signed a prenup." She was actually in tears over this..and I was thinking...why is someone who is dying of cancer crying about not being able to take half my money if she divorces me 10 years from now ?? it was a huge red flag for me, and all the feelings I had for her fell away and I was paranoid that she was just using me for money...which was silly because I asked her to move down here and I was offering to take care of her..and if I wanted a relationship i could have had one..but still, something just didn't seem right about it. So I said, in a mocking tone.."Don't worry IT'S NOT GOING TO develop into ANYTHING MORE" cuz I'm an asshole I guess..I dunno. I told her she wasn't even my type and I didn't like skinny blondes. She cried some more and asked me why I even brought her down here to live. I'm not sure why I'm afraid to love this girl. I'm not sure if it's because she may die..or because she was married to a friend, or if I would be paranoid that she would be using me, or maybe I would be paranoid that I was forcing her into something. Perhaps I'm just insecure enough not to believe that someone I love so much can actually love me back. Any advice ?
shLong You feelin' Lucky? ? Registered: 03/05/10 Posts: 3,806 Loc: Wisconsin
	Wow man...wow I have no advice no this sort of situation, but I think you're a pretty good dude for going to scoop her up like that. Maybe, just continue how things are (separate bedrooms, no sexual contact, etc), GET THE PRE-NUP (if you marry, for insurance purposes only, of course), and if she doesn't want it, then so sorry From the sound of it, you've already bent over pretty far for her.
Bipolarbear Stranger with candy ? Registered: 05/23/10 Posts: 673 Last seen: 10 hours, 34 minutes
	Wow.
ButteredToast Stranger ? Registered: 09/05/09 Posts: 473 Last seen: 8 hours, 37 minutes
	Wow, you sound like a good person OP. Do what you can to help her fight her sickness while you try to figure things out, you know? Go on walks with her.. make sure she has a healthy diet, things like that. You need to explain to her why you said the things that you said. I'm not sure how/why someone in her position could even begin to think about money 10 years down the road.. --------------------
Anonymous #1
	you are truly humble op. the only thing i can say to you is be honest with her. don't bullshit your feelings, it is very important that you say what you truly feel.
koraks Registered: 06/02/03 Posts: 10,675
	Quote: why is someone who is dying of cancer crying about not being able to take half my money if she divorces me 10 years from now ?? Have you asked her this? Your concern seems plausible to me, so the first thing to do, if you're serious with this woman, is to share it with her. Allow her to share her viewpoint. Maybe she just has a set of morals or a world view that is slightly different from her, along the lines of 'the husband should take care financially of the wife, even after the marriage has ended', without her being a gold digger. Sounds odd, but people's minds can be wired in funny ways (religion, anyone?) In any case, a good and healthy dose of openness and honesty seems in place her. And that works both ways. Do you have the impression she can be open and honest with you?
mick living in perverty ? Registered: 07/06/04 Posts: 6,194 Loc: hb, cali Last seen: 1 day, 14 hours
	>what if our relationship develops into something more, and it turns into a real marriage..and then 10 years down the road we grow apart and we end up getting a divorce, then I won't get anything because I signed a prenup Tell her, 'Look, im trying to do you a favor here, you can have decent insurance and a prenup, or no insurance. I need to protect my investments because I have worked very hard. I still want to help you, but this is the only way its going to happen.' You sound like a nice guy for all the stuff youve done. She might be a nice person who needs help or whatever, but she is the reason she is in that position. She chose to have children too early and to marry a drug addict, and who knows what else in her life. There is no way she should be making an argument to get a crack at your wealth, not in this life. Just keep your head straight. Dying or not, some people have other motives; im not sure which side this chick is on. -------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
Visionary Tools I <3 Thomas Jefferson Registered: 06/23/07 Posts: 4,506 Last seen: 6 hours, 26 minutes
	Maybe it seems like a safe bet, you described her as dying of cancer. It's easy to love someone like that, you can care for them, and after a while they go. Sorry if that's not a romantic way of looking at it, because what you're doing is commendable. All I'm going to say on this is, if you want her to live, I strongly reccomend watching phoenix tears, a documentary about using cannabis to cure "untreatable" cancer. --------------------
LunarEclipse Mr. Worry Free Registered: 10/31/04 Posts: 5,310 Loc: Sugar Town
	Quote: *shLong said:* Wow man...wow I have no advice no this sort of situation, but I think you're a pretty good dude for going to scoop her up like that. Maybe, just continue how things are (separate bedrooms, no sexual contact, etc), GET THE PRE-NUP (if you marry, for insurance purposes only, of course), and if she doesn't want it, then so sorry From the sound of it, you've already bent over pretty far for her. I say run like the wind.? Women who are desperate with no money no job no insurance and yet in negotiations to take 1/2 after 10 years of marriage?? Sounds pretty scary.? Your gut is right.? She is trouble.? Fucking her will only make it worse.? Nice guys always finish last.? Toughen up man. -------------------- Don't worry be happy.
pwnasaurus Stranger ? Registered: 07/16/08 Posts: 3,799 Loc: Canada Last seen: 5 minutes, 35 seconds
	Quote: *mick said:* >what if our relationship develops into something more, and it turns into a real marriage..and then 10 years down the road we grow apart and we end up getting a divorce, then I won't get anything because I signed a prenup Tell her, 'Look, im trying to do you a favor here, you can have decent insurance and a prenup, or no insurance. I need to protect my investments because I have worked very hard. I still want to help you, but this is the only way its going to happen.' You sound like a nice guy for all the stuff youve done. She might be a nice person who needs help or whatever, but she is the reason she is in that position. She chose to have children too early and to marry a drug addict, and who knows what else in her life. There is no way she should be making an argument to get a crack at your wealth, not in this life. Just keep your head straight. Dying or not, some people have other motives; im not sure which side this chick is on. This + koraks is GREAT advice.
TheCreampie Registered: 04/04/11 Posts: 319 Loc: Corner of crack and 8-bal... Last seen: 47 minutes, 17 seconds

dshow Nomad ? Registered: 01/22/09 Posts: 3,917 Last seen: 2 hours, 30 minutes
	Lunar just gave some straightforward advice. Man yea... nice guys always finish last is so true that its scary. Red flags. red flags everywhere. Your gut is right man. Stop letting your dick give commands and use your brain. She sounds like a fucking parasite. She will drain you dry. -------------------- Like EDM?(Electronic Dance Music) http://www.youtube.com/user/ThisisEDM "everyone has problems, some more then others" Need some advice or just want some conversation? PM ME. I am sure i can help you or give you that advice. Or just talk.
SbstratAlchemist Enthusiast Registered: 01/29/09 Posts: 690 Last seen: 2 minutes, 39 seconds
	Very odd situation.? You offer marriage for insurance purposes to someone you've never even had sex with and she questions the pre-nup?