The Anti-Jane Interview?Juan on Installing Windows ? theantijane

The Anti-Jane Interview?Juan on Installing?Windows

Posted by theantijane on March 31, 2012 ? Leave a Comment?

Juan is the owner of Windows by Juan. He has a Certification in Sashes and Cranks (Cs.C) from the famed Tijuana Cinco de Mayo Correspondence School and has been installing windows ever since he eluded the Border Patrol last May. I sat down with Juan in his 1964 VW bus to find out what it takes for Anti-Janes to install windows in their homes or pueblos and when it?s best to leave the work to a children?s balloon twister or a captain who abandoned ship.

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Q. ???Many women think installing windows is a project literally and figuratively over

their heads. Is this a misconception and if so, can you tell me how to get to

Sesame Street?

A.? ??Por favor. I need your hand in marriage. And a dried fruit platter. I am being

followed by the sheriffs of Maricopa County and Nottingham.

Q. ???If a woman wants to install her own windows does she need to know anything

at all about the Victorian age?

A.? ?We can escape to Park City where I have a time-share rented to me by a sensitive

drug lord. He has thrown in a ferret named Sven to sweeten the deal.

Q.?? Is it better to install energy-efficient windows, or the kind of windows that suck all

the energy out of your house and dump it in a black hole in space?

A.?? Our people are good. We gained independence from Spain in 1810, and we?ve

been making better paella ever since.

Q.??? What is the best type of window to install in hard-to-reach places like behind

appliances and your employer?s heart?

A.??? We?re also great soccer players. We beat Argentina in that World Cup match. They

cheated, and their girlfriends wore falsies.

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Q.???? How do you decide what window frame material to use, and do you have to

clear it with your 12-Step sponsor first?

A.???? Our Aztecs were very advanced. They were the first civilization to develop apps.

Also, they invented towelettes and sold the rights to a disgraced cheese curd

mogul.

Q.??? You know, Juan, I?m afraid that we?re not shedding any light on windows

literally or figuratively in this interview. Can we switch topics and talk about the

weather in Myanmar instead?

Note to reader: At this point, a masked mariachi band burst into the VW and began to play ?La Bamba.? Being a cowardly anti-Jane, I hurled my digital recorder, as well as my body, through an open window. On the way out, I took measurements and texted them to the windows and doors department of a home improvement store in Lake Winnipesaukee. They texted back: ?We don?t do vehicle windows, freak.?

That was the last I ever saw of Juan who, when last spotted, was trying to elude the sheriffs of Maricopa County and Nottingham on the Space Mountain ride at Disneyland carrying a ferret named Sven and a dried fruit platter.

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