Acquiring Balance: Transitions in Faith and Friendships

Transitions in Faith and Friendships

There are many beautiful yet hurting women, who read this blog, who are going through "faith shifts." These shifts are vulnerable and focused more on healing than rebellion. Kathy Escobar recently wrote two posts that addressed the issue to those who are hurting and healing. In "Ten things to remember when Healing From Faith Shifts"each point hit home. I wish I could replicate it all here but I strongly?recommend?those who are healing to read the article. The following highlights are the points I continually have to remind myself of...
"3.?it?s okay to ?just say no? to certain events.? in fact, it?s often a necessity! it?s hard when friends are still part of the systems we left, but that doesn?t mean we have to keep torturing ourselves. ?i have been invited to parties & weddings & events where i knew i would be surrounded with too many unsafe people for my liking and i just didn?t go. it was such a wise decision. ?sure, i had to push through a few things because they were really special but on the whole, i really evaluate whether or not it?s a good idea for my soul. usually, it?s not.
7. ?some relationships won?t make it through the transition. they just wont. i was hoping to hold on to a few of them, but what i realized over time is when the fundamental shift happens in the lens on how we view God; church; the world, we lose a lot of what we used to have in common. it?s okay. i am sad about some of the losses but also trying to celebrate what was and accept that certain friendships had their season, and that season is over. i thank God i knew some of these people, and it?s awkward when we see each other, but accepting this reality has helped me a lot (although i totally still hate those awkward moments).
8.?make time for safe, life-giving relationships.?even if you don?t really have the time, find it. it?s so important to create space to be with people who ?get it?, safe spaces to freely share what?s really going on in our heads and not have to worry about defending anything."


It's tough to put number seven into perspective....because it is a sad reality. It happened to me over seven years ago with multiple people, and it still happens on occasion. ?I had to form a fresh support system and it was not always easy. Spiritual stances actually matter in friendships- whether it is non existant or prominent...the beliefs matter in a match. Certain friendships are really made for a season. (To view my perspective on friendships click HERE.?This is one of my fav posts on friendship.) ?Truly increase your time with friends who understand your transforming journey as this is a key step into healing, freedom and renewal.We CAN have friends who take opposite stances. However, if it is a fresh new stage of reconsideration, I would say lay off of those who need answers or defensive responses for awhile. You can slowly add in those who believe differently later. It takes WAY more dedication to have a friendship that varies greatly on the keys to living. In these circumstances we have to make sure neither of party is being "missional." Kathy Escobar recently wrote a post on why Missional is not a happy thought. Here are her valid points:


"*it feels pretty cruddy to be someone?s ?mission?.? seriously.
*it often tends to be one-way.? there?s a focus on giving and serving (which are obviously good) but it can also be used as a protection from relationship & connection & equality. we must practice receiving, too, and that?s usually harder than giving
*it keeps power protected.? those who have it keep it, and those without it never fully do.? issues of power have damaged many, and in the kingdom of God we need to do what we can to keep intentionally breaking down power differentials.
*the main people talking & writing & coordinating conferences about ?missional? are white, educated people with margin. i fall into this category, too, so i?m not just pointing the finger.? we are making progress on new voices from the margins in terms of homosexuality & women, but the truth is poor people aren?t influencing change the way that they could be because they never sit at the tables where changes get made. these are the voices we need to hear from! but that?s too much of a mind-bender in a system bent toward privilege & power.
*we can hide behind mission and never learn to love.??real love, real relationship, real connection is hard work.? both mission and love require sacrifice and time, but love requires a whole other level of vulnerability, the kind most of us are afraid of, but the kind i believe Jesus calls us to."


Check out the rest of the post HERE. While I agree with the above sentiments it can go the other way too.?Atheists?can be "missional" in their approach to those who claim faith. People who are in between also need to be cautious that they are not trying to conform others to their EXACT belief system. WE need diversity. I appreciate my friends of all faiths as well as those who claim no faith. I am a spiritual person but that comes down to my choices. I could not live without the mysterious Divine. It is not up for me though, to make robots or?projects?out of my friends who can live without this, or who live with a more boxed up version. I can imply beliefs I have or work out (on my safe space here) what I need to but in NO way do I want to force anyone to conform to my beliefs nor do I believe I have all the right answers for everyone out there. I know I have the answers for me now, but I also know that can change through life's journey. I am open to growth but I am not open to forced submission. Nor do I believe fear is a friendship motivator. If a friend is trying to motivate me to change based on the fear of religion, hell, consequence or any other threat, I will be less inclined to listen. Because love casts out all fear. True love does not tolerate fear based relationships.


Love during faith relationships and friendships DOES require work. There will be times we disagree. There will be moments of hurt and misunderstanding. It is a guarantee. The beauty is that we are set up for this BECAUSE we are not robots programmed on the same network. We were given choice from the beginning. Maybe all our choices are not good but LOVE believed in us enough to redeem that fact. If LOVE can give us choice, should we not be giving that loving consideration back to everyone we know? It's tougher. We will fail sometimes. It will take sacrifice and time to maintain our relationships and the friendships that help keep us supported. This takes vulnerable words of love and affirmation. It takes studying the love language of a friend. It takes determination to think of another's perspective and great discipline to think outside your own box of perceptions.


?It takes a delicate balance of truth and challenge versus empathy and compassion to make a friendship optimal. Most of us focus too much on the truth and lose perspective and grace. Or we become to focused on compassion and being nice that we lose out on the truth to help with growth and prevent more hurt in the future. Both are done out of fear. The first is the fear to be vulnerable or wrong (also the fear of losing power.) The second is the fear of being hurtful or taking a strong stance (also fear of abandonment.)


I have been taught these things by my journey, my children, my friends, and my husband. Each of you whom I know has been my teacher and my student. We need BOTH in a successful partnership. The beauty of not being robots is that we each get to CREATE our soul beauty, our choices, and our mentality. Do you feel the practical logic in that as well as the mystical magic? These truths contain both and that is why they are loving. LOVE is REAL. Love is choice. Love is beauty, creation, and redemption. It's not trite but it is also not always complicated.


If you are transitioning in faith or friendships give yourself some perspective, grace and time. Challenging relationships can come along later. Right now nurture the parts of you that are growing with new light and wisdom. Find people whose goal is to support and not change...no matter what they believe. If they challenge you at times, take it as a compliment that they trust your relationship. If love is the basis- any difference CAN be overcome. But it will take sacrifice and loving hard work. Is it worth it? Are you up for the challenge and wonderful moments of relational fulfillment?


I do not fear Satan half so much as I fear those who fear him.
Saint Theresa of Avila


Song Choice: SOng For A Friend- Jason Mraz (This song?...That's you my friend. My gift to you today xox. Love yourself first. Love you.)
Note: In this post I am not speaking about marital partnerships. This is strictly about non romantic?endeavors?and it is a very different set of guidelines for deeper connections

Source: http://acquiringbalance.blogspot.com/2012/06/transitions-in-faith-and-friendships.html

dancing with the stars aapl creutzfeldt jakob disease the lone ranger yu darvish mad cow pennsylvania primary